It occurred to me the expectations, the dreams, the 'happily ever after' we fabricate in our hearts growing up. When we arrive at adulthood we can usually sum up the reality of our lives vs. the way we thought it would turn out with the sentence, 'My happily ever after is crooked.' Where we find ourselves isn't exactly the castle, sunshine streaming through the windows, with our Prince Charming's white horse parked outside.
Hear me out, because this is potentially an awesome thing, once we surrender the disappointment and embrace what we HAVE been blessed with. I will confess to you, I never saw myself having children or being married, and on the off chance that it did happen, I never saw it happening the way it has. I was always convinced I didn't 'want' children, which for many years has been the underlying attitude towards my position in motherhood. Somewhere, though, the Lord must have known the deeper desires of my heart better than I did. Through the events that are my four children I've come to terms with the fact that it was not my children that were unwanted but the endless hard work, heart wrenching pain, and inevitable failure that I had associated with family life. I can not imagine doing anything of more value with my life. The Lord has shown me such clear glimpses of his tenderness, goodness, and love for me through the journey of parenting my own children. My imagined crown of precious metals and jewels is, in reality, made of construction paper and macaroni noodles. Here are a few noodles in my crown that have showed me the happiness of my story being written outside of the source of my own hand.
Earlier today Titus brought me my Bible that had been sitting on the couch and said, " I want to sit in your lap. What is this book?"
Even though he may not have realized it in his two year old understanding, this was a loaded question and symbolized what he, along with our other three children will be asking us their whole lives.
"What is this book?" May the Holy Spirit give me the utmost ability to communicate the answer to that question every precious minute I have to respond to his inquiry. The story my life reads will dictate the 'happily ever after' my children formulate in their own hearts. By the grace of God it will read one that encourages them to let their expectations rest fully on Him.
Titus was in the front yard, I went out to the front porch and sat down. He had moved his chair off of the porch onto the side walk and turned around to say, " Come sit with me, mommy." My initial instinct was to say, "You come sit with me." The Lord stopped me and showed me how important it is to meet our children where they are because that is what He does with us. Father God has been ever patient in meeting me where I was at the time simply because I asked him to come sit with me. He has known the times I would not have been able to meet him any where other than the place I was because disappointment can be a crippling force in our lives if we allow it to be.
